When you want to explain ‘mutually exclusive’ events to a kid, just tell him how rain and electricity supply don’t happen simultaneously in Nigeria….
IAS 69: Accounting for Girlfriends
The objective of IAS 69 is to prescribe the accounting treatment for Girl friends. The principal issues are the timing of recognition of a female friend as a girl friend, the no. of days the relationship can be carried on and any write down in this romantic relationship. It also provides guidance on the methods to be employed to make GF.
This IAS applies to all GF’s except those whose father, brother, ex-boyfriends or prospective boyfriends are working in police, army, intelligence agencies or political organizations or 6+ feet tall, have muscular body and know kung fu, judo or any other marshal art.
The following terms are used in this Standard with the meanings specified:
– LOVE is a serious mental disease, mostly found in old Indian movies, dramas and Urdu literature.
– FLIRTING is the modern form of love; this disease came from Hollywood movies, new Indian movies, internet, mobile phones, and English literature.
– MARRIAGE is a long term liability as a result of PAST events that is expected to be settled by increasing the population, decreasing the health and money.
-GIRL FRIEND is a current asset as a result of past efforts and events that is probable to generate future dates, physical contact and gifts. If not properly handled may become long-term liability i.e. wife.
-BOYFRIEND-SPECIFIC VALUE is the present value of the future dates that a boyfriend expects to realize from continuing use of the GF over its useful life and from its disposal to his another friend at the end of the flirting term
-FLIRTING TERM is the higher of the following:
-from your first conversation till the time the GF father catches you
-from the time of your first date till your GF get married with another person ,in which case she will become your ex-GF.
-from the time of your first date till you get married with your GF, afterward it will become a suffering term.
A girl shall be recognized as a girl friend if, and only if:
(a) it is probable that future physical benefits associated with the girlfriend will flow to the boyfriend,
(b) no possibility of GF becoming a long term liability (wife) exists and
(c) the expenditures to be incurred (e.g. in respect of gifts, cards etc ) can be measured reliably Female Cousins, younger sisters, and other female friends associated with the girlfriend should not be recognized. However, beautiful and bold ones should be declared in the flirting statement if and only if it is probable that they are expected to result in prospective girlfriends.
MEASUREMENT OF USEFUL LIFE OF GF
All the following factors shall be considered in determining the useful life of a GF:
(a) Expected “usage” of the girlfriend.
(b) Expected “physical” wear and tear, which depends on “operational” factors such as the number of “shifts” the GF is to be used.
(c) Technical or commercial obsolescence arising from changes in fashion or “service output” of the GF.
(d) “Legal” or similar limits on the “use” of the GF.
The Girl Friend shall be derecognized:
1. at the end of the useful life of GF or flirting term whichever is earlier,
2. when no future benefits are expected from her or her disposal or 3.
3. when remote possibility of GF becoming long term liability occurs.
The flirting statement shall disclose, for each “class” of GF:
a) Total no. of GFs with:
-age of GF
-complexion, face cut
-the useful life of each GF
-email address, residential address and mobile no. of each GF
-any “special” benefits that may have been derived from the GF
b) A reliable estimate of the boy friend regarding no. of expected GFs for each class of GF.
c) A reliable estimate of the expenditures to be incurred (e.g. in respect of gifts, cards etc) for each class of GF .